sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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