I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
