this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
