I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
