Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
