I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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