Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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