john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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