I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
