Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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