Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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