Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
