Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
