I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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