I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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