Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
