he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
