You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
