my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
