By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
