Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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