dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
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maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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