It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
