Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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