so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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