I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
