Your dad touched me again.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
