i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
