Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
