dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
