i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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