It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
