Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
