Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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