New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
