as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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