I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
