You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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