I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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