I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
