I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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