He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
