I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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