i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
