maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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