Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
