AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
drinking out of a sandbucket again
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
