Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
