Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
