dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
