How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
