Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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