btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
