so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
