I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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