(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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