Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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