i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
