After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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