I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
