apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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