it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
