she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
