Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
