I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
