peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I have tasted many bathrooms
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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