My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
