just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
