Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
