Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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