Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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